Fall Into A First, As in a first date with yourself.
(read time: 3 min )
Thesausus.com doesn't think highly of the term "self love." You get synonyms like conceited, vanity, and narcissism. No wonder working parents, at their wits end already, feel so guilty about taking care of themselves!
There's good news though. The reality of the definition is much more supportive, " a regard for one's own well-being and happiness (chiefly considered as a desirable rather than narcissistic characteristic)." And that's what this challenge is all about.
YOUR BOOST
Take yourself on a date. Your only two requirements are that you do something that you want to do, and you do it alone. Possibly it's an interest you've been wanting to explore. A hobby you want to learn more about. Or just a space where you get to take care of only yourself for once, and no one else has a say, and no one can complain!
THE SCIENCE
This boost comes straight from the book, The Artist's Way. I've been taking myself on "artist dates" once a week for the last month. And it's increased my bandwidth and patience completely. And what's more, I have noticed that I am much less resentful for all the unpaid labor I do as the primary caretaker of the house and kid. According to author, Julia Cameron, when you take your self out on a date, "you are receiving--opening yourself to insight, inspiration, guidance."
Taking yourself on a date, for the pure joy of doing something that interests you and you alone, for no other reason than to explore, is a form of play. Studies show that play activates the neurotransmitter, norepinephrine. This brain chemical is part of how your brain cells signal each other. And when its around, it also has a side benefit, it helps improves brain plasticity. The super power of brain plasticity can not be understated. It is the foundation of a growth mindset (vs. fixed mindset). This superpower allows your brain to make more neurons AND connect them in new ways. Interestingly, according to neuroscientists Sam Wang and Sandra Aamodt, "the same is true for dopamine, which accounts for how reward leads to long-term changes to make us want more—neural plasticity mechanisms are strongly facilitated when reward occurs." And play allows for both: norepinephrine during play, and dopamine, as a reward for doing something pleasurable. Win-Win!
TAKE HOME
You know you need a break, but taking yourself on a date seems not only selfish, but frivolous. It's neither. Do it, and love it, and activate the play areas in your brain, and reap the bounty of rewarding brain chemicals. Each time you take yourself out on a date, your brain will get stronger and more resilient, leading to more patience in the household, more creativity, and ultimately, a healthier you (and therefore household!).
No shame, no guilt, just more good days.
-Nicole