Ever Feel Like the Parental Jekyll and Hyde?

(read time: 2 min)

In the spirit of the Halloween season, I’m rolling with a classic gothic reference. You may feel like it at times, but I promise you that you are not "The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde."

Also... you’re not alone in feeling this way.

I tend to think I’m being patient with my kiddo by NOT saying anything at the early stages of feeling frustrated and angry. This is the Dr. Jekyll part of me. I say nothing, I don’t trust my early indicators, and I don’t want to dampen anyone’s feelings unnecessarily. So, that crappy feeling festers.

And then I explode.

That explosion, the Mr. Hyde in this analogy, seemingly comes out of nowhere to my family, and takes an ugly form: a sharp, angry tone, and inflexible demands. And the result? I alienate my kid, I feel extreme mom guilt, and everyone feels crappy.

YOUR BOOST

Use these words, “I’m starting to feel frustrated/angry.” Your kids can’t read your mind, duh. But it’s bigger than that. The younger the kiddo, the less developed the skill to interpret non-verbal cues. So, when big feelings start bubbling up in you, tell your kid right away, while you are still calm.

By talking early and often about your emotions, you can both prevent your frustration from growing and more importantly, and can prevent your kid from internalizing your angry explosion. Saving not only both your feelings of mental wellness, but also that of your child.

THE SCIENCE

According to social cognitive neuroscientist, Matthew D. Lieberman, "When you attach the word 'angry,' you see a decreased response in the amygdala.”

The amygdala you ask? That’s your brain’s fear center, and it can hype up negative emotions and kick your body into fight or flight. So decreasing activity in your amygdala is a good thing when it comes to staying centered.

TAKE HOME

Use your words. Don’t shy away from telling your kid(s) how you are feeling in the moment. You’ll prevent an explusion, and they’ll internalize emaional intelligence.

No shame, no guilt, just more good days.

-Nicole