Feeling Guilty?
(read time: 2 min)
Guilt makes you want to confess, it’s an evolutionary thing, but so is avoiding admitting wrong.
When you've hurt someone, whether intentionally or by accident, you feel guilt. Then, one of two things happen: you apologize or you don’t.
YOUR BOOST
The next time your ego stands in the way of apologizing, decrease stress by admitting your error, asking for forgiveness, listening to the offended party, and working to make things right. The sooner the better.
THE SCIENCE
Refusing to apologize is an attempt to avoid the unpleasant emotion of guilt. Except, it doesn’t really work that way.
Guilt is a self-conscious emotion, meaning it comes about from internal reflection when your behavior conflicts with your conscience. It’s also pro-social. It signals a desire to mend what was broken. It’s not surprising then that the prefrontal cortex, the part of your brain responsible for executive functions, is involved in both guilt and compassion. The two are intricately linked. In this way, guilt is a good thing, it signals your need to make things right.
But when you refuse to apologize, you allow the guilt to linger. When this happens, guilt often transforms into shame, that deep down feeling that it’s not just your actions that are wrong, but that you are wrong. Shame leads to increased levels of cortisol, the stress hormone.
I don't need to tell you that the last thing you need right now is more stress. So when the time comes, apologize. Not only will you prevent stress in yourself, you will decrease the level of aggression the offended party has towards you, a key step in initiating forgiveness.
TAKE HOME
As the saying goes, A Clear Conscience Is The Greatest Armor. So the next time you feel guilty, know that you care enough to apologize. Ego as an armor gives you only a short reprieve from your embarrassment. So even though it is incredibly uncomfortable, say sorry. It is the shortest path to dispelling guilt, relieving stress, and rebuilding the relationships that matter in your life.
No shame, no guilt, just more good days,
-Nicole