The Frustration Intervention
(read time: 2 min)
Controlling your frustration can be, well, frustrating.
When it comes down to it, there are more things in your life that you CAN’T control, compared to those that you can. Yet, it’s often those things not in your control that are the most frustrating.
Here's how to intervene and take back control before frustration completely takes over.
YOUR BOOST
When you feel frustrated, answer these two questions:
What is causing your frustration?
From 1-10, how much of it is in your control? (1 being least in your control, 10 representing full control)
Scoring:
1-4 Force yourself to let it go, it is what it is.
5-6 Determine which parts are not in your control (then see 1-4) and which parts are (see 7-10)
7-10 Quick, what are three things you could do to move forward? Pick one and do it, right now.
THE SCIENCE
Frustration is a form of fear. The amygdala (aka your fear center) kicks into gear when the brain realizes that something is not playing out as you originally expected, and the new outcome is uncertain. The more threatening the uncertain outcome, the more the body is flooded with stress hormones, adrenaline and cortisol. Your blood pressure rises, breathing and heart rate increase, and any chance of rational thought is slim.
This is your point of intervention.
The 10 second assessment, as described above, can help you redirect your focus on what you can control, and make peace with what you can’t. By doing so, you are making the uncertain less threatening, and this has a number of positive effects.
The frontal lobes, responsible for executive functions, fires back up to tell your amygdala that there is no longer a threat. The fear center calms down, adrenaline and cortisol retreat, and you start thinking straight again.
TAKE HOME
Frustration is natural, it tells our brain to pay attention because things aren’t working out as planned. But frustration doesn’t have to take over. Once you feel it coming on, remind yourself that frustration is actually a clever cue from your body to pause and reassess. Doing so will not only decrease stress, it will also help you to move forward faster and without saying or doing anything you will later regret.
No shame, no guilt, just more good days,
-Nicole