Don’t be afraid of spontaneous friend-time.
(read time: 2.5 min)
I get it. Your life is busy and your calendar is overscheduled. So it goes without saying that in order to make time for friends, you need to schedule it. You actually make appointments on your calendars and email an invite. There’s nothing wrong with that, in and of itself, but if this is your only means of spending time with your friends, you might find that it starts to feel like a work meeting. Structured and obligated.
But, oh, do you remember the days where you didn’t have a limit on spending time together? When you didn’t need to fit your bestie into your schedule? My friend Jenny, who lives out in Maine (I’m in Colorado), inspired this boost. She recently proposed that with her four kids, her writing career, and her farm, that it was too hard to save up all our talk for a once a month hours-long jam session. We needed and wanted to stay current. So now, when the feeling hits, we talk for maybe 5-10 minutes, usually once a week or so. And we are able to keep up in real time, without advance planning.
YOUR BOOST
When you feel that ping that reminds you of a friend, or a fond memory, or something you just have to share, do something in that VERY moment.
Video chat just to see each other’s faces in real time
Invite them over for supper that night
See if they want to take a lunchtime or evening walk that day
The idea here is that you allow for space to connect in the moment. No agenda, no planning, no obligation, and no calendar invite needed. If it works, yay. If not, tno worries, you can try again soon.
THE SCIENCE
Research shows that as we age we invest more in emotionally meaningful relationships. On one hand, this means we prune advancement relationships (think the annoying/unpleasant people you are obligated to spend time with in order to advance your career). But on the other hand, this saved energy and time, unencumbered by agendas, is reinvested in learning and growing and experiencing seasons of life with close friends. In turn, those fewer, but more meaningful, relationships boost our resilience in the face of stressors, increase our feelings of support, and all in all make for healthy mental health.
TAKE HOME
When you are busy, it’s super easy to stop putting forth the time and energy needed to maintain your relationships. Instead of thinking of it as something that needs overplanning and scheduling, start popping in small bits of spontaneous friend time into your life, and keep your closest relationships strong.
No shame, no guilt, just more good days,
Nicole