Stop it with the “I’m FIne” BS
(read time: 2 min)
The people who love you don’t want to see you unhappy, but that doesn't mean that you need to hide it from them. Yet, you tell yourself that it’s better to not get into it, now is not the time, you don't want people feeling bad for you, and that you don’t want to be a burden.
But really, you tell people that you are fine because it's hard AF to say, “I’m not ok.”
Somehow, saying those words out loud makes it real. So instead you lean on subtle forms of isolation, like saying “I'm fine” to avoid it entirely.
YOUR BOOST
There is a person in your life who not only wants to see you healthy, but wants to help you get there. Who is that person for you?
Call them now if you are feeling down. And if you are doing well, call them anyway to let them know that the next time you are having a hard time with life, you will tell them.
THE SCIENCE
Isolation doesn't just happen when we are physically apart from our circle. You can be with your people, AND hiding in plain sight. This is the “I’m fine” story playing out, and it can lead to an even more devastating feeling of loneliness than actually being alone.
First, it is plain exhausting to wear a mask of “I’m fine” when you are hurting. This often leads to increased need for sleep and dependancy on self-medication (think alcohol, drugs etc.) to make it through another day of hiding.
Second, chronic isolation leads to changes in your levels of dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is linked to pleasure and reward, while serotonin brings feelings of peace and happiness. When chronic isolation is at play, the levels of these happy helpers go down. This can kick off or worsen things like depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
TAKE HOME
I’m fine is code for I’m not ok. As tough as it is to do, and believe me I know, you have to say the words “I’m not ok” out loud. So know your person and let them be there for you. You are not a burden for telling them that you are not ok, and more importantly, by sharing you are kicking isolation to the curb.
No shame, no guilt, just more good days,
Nicole