Your Worth is NOT Dependent on your “Success”

(read time: 2 min)

How much were you complimented as a kid? What was it for? My guess? It was for scoring goals, winning awards, and other achievements. And it made you feel proud. Over and over, the praise came when you were successful at school, sports, and activities.

Fast forward and here we are: adults conditioned to think that our worth is ONLY related to our wins, our successes, and how good we look on paper. Oof. Let’s unpack this.

YOUR BOOST

The next time something doesn’t go your way, grab a piece of scrap paper or an old envelope. Write down one or two things that went well, and one or two things you can work on for next time. Then toss it in la basura. You won’t need that paper as a reminder because things that don’t go as planned form stronger memories than things that go our way.

THE SCIENCE

It is human nature to rehash the things that don’t go right in order to better understand what happened. But when you add shame into the equation, that continuous replay can turn into a cycle of self-blame that translates to feelings of being less than.

Scientists believe that each time memories are recalled a firing of synapses (communication points between brain cells) kicks off. That firing gets stronger and stronger with each recall allowing the synapses to transmit better and better. So that constant rehashing, plus the emotional value you tack onto it, leads to the formation of unhealthy thought patterns about self-worth.

Don’t get me wrong, competitiveness is not a bad thing, it’s just that we were never normalized to the fact that failure is a natural part of learning, and there’s nothing to be ashamed of when we learn from failures and pick ourselves back up.

TAKE HOME

If you were taught that winning equals worth, it likely has made it difficult to like yourself when you don’t meet society's rigid standard of “success.” So the next time you are struggling with a situation that makes you doubt your self-worth. Focus your brain on what went right, and what you can do better next time… and leave "worth" out of the equation.

No shame, no guilt, just more good days,

-Nicole