Overactive Should Police Ruining Your Day?

(read time: 2 min)

YOUR BOOST

Give yourself permission to to do something you enjoy without guilt.

It doesn’t have to be earth shattering, start small. For example, I feel so guilty when I watch TV, especially during the day. So here's my script I say out loud. "I give you permission to watch TV this afternoon, an episode of Midsomer Murders, without feeling guilty."

By voicing your authority you become the authority, and act to block your brain from priming itself for guilt.

THE SCIENCE

Freud coined the term superego to mean a force of consciousness that constrains us from within. I like to think of my superego as my “Should Police.” I should do this, I shouldn’t do that, etc. etc...

But where did all these “shoulds” come from, and why am I always “shoulding” all over myself?

Your “shoulds” started taking shape early, influenced by early authority figures before your brain developed the ability to reason and figure out behavioral norms on its own. These constraining principles, reinforced by punishment and praise, laid the groundwork for your behavior choices and how to feel about them. When it comes to doing something you enjoy, you may have internalized it as frivolous. That judgement is your superego, aka the "Should Police," calling you out. And if you choose to do it anyway, your guilt can often get in the way of enjoying it and reaping the benefit the brain break that comes with enjoying something relaxing and fun.

While there is no “location” per se in your brain for your superego, we do know that the feelings of guilt or remorse when you don't live up to the "Should Police" live in the very front part of your brain, called the prefrontal cortex. Scientists learned this from patients with damage to their prefrontal cortex. This damage caused caused psychopathy, a personality disorder characterized by remorseless and impulsive antisocial behavior.

So there's good news!! if you feel guilt, you are not a psychopath!

The bad news, an overactive "Should Police" can make it extremely hard to relax and refuel. If this is the case for you, your superego needs to simmer down.

TAKE HOME

Go ahead, give yourself permission to enjoy something today.

No shame, no guilt, just more good days.

-Nicole